Yes Minister of Magic (HP x Yes Minister, One shot)
by WillyDJ
Summary: Just some madness for your day.
1. Chapter 1

"Greetings Minister."

Cornelius Fudge looked about momentarily until he realized that the comment was directed to him. Yes! He was the new Minister of Magic. True, the field of potential candidates had been thinned out by the recent He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named business, but horrible and dreadful as that was it had allowed Fudge to rise to the top! He was now the Minister of Magic and today was his first day on the job!

"Greetings Minister.", another Ministry functionary bowed.

Fudge nodded back. Oh yes, did this feel good. He made his ways through the Ministry halls, his halls now and headed for his new office. Other underlings greeted him.

"Greetings Minister."

"Greetings Minister."

And now he was at the door! Fudge took in a deep breath. He was about to make history!

"Minister, your first appointment is already ready." said the witch at his side. It broke Fudge's moment.

"My what?"

"Your first appointment. From the Civil Service." said the witch. "They're Muggles, I, um, I think."

"What do you mean, you think? Either they're muggle or magical. Which is it, witch." said Fudge.

The witch took a step back. "Well, I am not sure sir. They don't look like wizards, but they found their way in. You can't do that if you're a muggle, sir."

Fudge had to admit the witch had a point. Muggles couldn't just walk into the Ministry. They shouldn't even be aware of it. So that settled it. Clearly his first appointment were some wizards.  
He however didn't recall any part of the Ministry called the Civil Service.

"Thank miss..."

"Thistlelow."

"Miss Thistlelow. I had better be seeing them then."

* * *

Fudge walked into his new office. As he did so two men rose from chairs to greet him. Both were dressed in well tailored, black suits and trousers, trousers of all things!

"Ah Minister." said the older man. "Welcome, welcome. My name is Sir Humphrey Appleby, Permanent Secretary to Britain's Ministry of Magic. And this is Bernard Woolley, your Private Secretary from Her Majesty." the older man held out his hand.

"Cornelius Fudge, and I am the Minister of Magic." he looked at the stranger's hand, paused and shook it.

"Of course you are Minister. We are here to help you."

"Help me? How? Why?" said Fudge.

"Why Minister? Because of the recent events surrounding magical affairs it has been decided that some more oversight is needed regarding the affairs of the Witches and Wizards of Great Britain. And here we are. As to how we can help? Minister, we are the Civil Service. It is by our efforts that Great Britain is a first class nation today. The same can not be said for our magical counterparts."

Fudge went red. "The Witches and Wizards of Britain are..."

"Not terribly well regarded by the actual magical powerhouses like Bulgaria, Romania and Egypt. Our magical branch of law enforcement required the help of a citizen's group to bring some magic wielding version of Hitler to heel. That is correct, isn't it. Wizard. Hitler." said Sir Humphrey.

"From the sound of things it's more like Wizard Mosley, or even Wizard Spode." said the man named Bernard.

"And this wizard had a lot of popular support. Minister it just won't do for any part of Britain to go fascist. Surely you can see that. More importantly, it will not do for the leaders and diplomats of other countries to be laughing behind our backs because our wizards are, are.." said Sir Humphrey.

"A bunch of incompetent fools and provincial bumpkins is what the Romanian Ambassador said." added Bernard.

"Yes, thank you Bernard. A bunch of incompetent fools and provincial bumpkins. That will not do Minister, don't you agree. So Her Majesty's Government has sent us to advise you."

"The Magical World has always been separate from the Mundane." said Fudge.

"Of course Minister. Absolutely Minister. Separate they are and separate they shall remain. We are but humble emissaries of Her Majesty, here to ensure that that separation, which has served us so well for centuries continues unabated." said Sir Humphrey.

"Well, that is good. Good. So, why do we need you?"

"As per the Honorable and Ancient agreements in the Statute of Secrecy a small, yet dedicated part of the Civil Service has always been aware of the Magical World. They have, over the years accumulated, updated, revised and reorganised a few minor suggestions to help our mystical brothers and sisters drag themselves, kicking and screaming into the Nineteenth Century." said Sir Humphrey.

"Surely you mean the Twentieth Century?" said Fudge.

"One step at a time minister. One step at a time. Bernard." said Sir Humphrey.

At hearing his name the other muggle withdrew a small gold bell and rang it three times.

Tinkle. Tinkle. Tinkle.

A massive book, bound in red leather apparated just above the desk and fell onto it with a weighty thud.

Fudge regarded the book. As a wizard he was no stranger to eldritch tomes containing strange, unspeakable secrets. Why they were practically bedtime reading! This book however displayed no sigils, no runes or symbols of power. It bore an inscription he felt was much worse. It had the seal of Her Majesty's Government and the worst words he ever thought he would read.

Articles of Recommendation and Reform Vol.1


	2. Chapter 2

Miss Thistlelow was out of sorts. There was a man in her office! A rather good looking man, she would have to admit. Which was not a problem in itself. Miss Thistlelow thought of herself as a modern witch, the sort of which who was not discombobulated by a man, even one with a cheery inviting smile, in her office. What was a problem was that this man, this actually handsome man, was a muggle!

"Almost sorted miss." said the man after working with some tools on a piece of wall. He finished affixing something to the wall. "There you are miss. Phone line all in. I must say it's a bit odd to find a government building without phone lines, but, all done now." he said with a smile.

"A what line?" she heard herself say.

"Phone line miss. For the phones?" said the man.

"What are you talking about? What is a, phone?" she said, the muggle term felt rough and course on her lips.

The man gave her a look. "What do you mean you don't know what a phone is?" he said. Before she could reply he began wildly looking about.

"What are you doing?" she asked the infuriating muggle as he continued looking this way and that, occasionally squinting.

"Camera miss. You almost had me, but you're far too good looking to be an office worker, if you don't mind me saying so. Loved the show as a lad. Good to see they're bringing it back." he said.

"Bringing what back?" she said. Make sense damn it.

The man grinned at her. "Oh very good miss. In character and all. Very well." The man turned and pulled out from his bag a strange red object. He placed it on her desk and then took a length of plastic and connected it to the new fixture on the wall. "This is a phone. With it you can speak to people anywhere in the country, or the world even. For example, if you wanted to speak to me..."

Cornellius Fudge, Minister of Magic of England stared at the strange black device on his desk.

"Miss Thistlelow!" he shouted.

In short order his secretary appeared. Fudge noted she was holding a piece of parchment.

"Yes Minister of Magic?" she said.

Fudge pointed at the offending object.

"What, is that?" he demanded.

"Oh that. It's a phone. It's a Muggle device for speaking to someone far away." she said.

Muggle device? Here? In the ministry? Then it clicked.

"Get me Appleby. What is that?" he added noticing Miss Thistlelow staring intently at the parchment.

"At once Minister. This? I am not sure. The phone man said it was his number, it looks like arithmancy to me." she said showing the string of digits.

Fudge looked at them too. Arithmancy was devilishly complex and potentially this was an arithmetic formula, but what was a Muggle doing with it?

"Never mind about that. Get me Appleby."

A while later Sir Humphrey Appleby was seated opposite Fudge.

"Minister. How can I be of service?" he said.

"You can start by explaining the nature of these, things." said Fudge pointing at the offending object.

"That is a telephone minister. You can use it to speak to people not in this room.

"Like a magic mirror, you mean?" said Fudge.

Sir Appleby smiled. "Indeed Minister, but with the added advantage that the twelve common spells used to access a magic mirror's conversations will not work on a telephone. Also you could use it to speak with us in the Civil Service."

Fudge bristled. "There are no such ways to do that!" he said.

Appleby looked at him. "Minister. I am sure that is what the enchanters tell you, but the reality is otherwise. Your recent scuffle with these Wizard Fascists would of been a lot easier if they did not know everything the Ministry was doing. It is to be hoped the next insurrection will be stymied because Ministry communications will remain the purview of the Ministry, and the Russians if course." said Appleby.

"The Russians?" said Fudge confused.

"Well, it cannot be helped. The phones were installed by British Telecom Minister. However, after a little chat with the Russian Secretary of the Interior we need not worry ourselves on that front."

"Well, okay. But how does it work?" said Fudge.

"Do not fear Minister. Allow me to demonstrate." said Appleby. He rose and picked up part of the telephone and with a finger made several circular motions on the front of the larger piece. It all seemed very ritualistic and that caused Fudge to relax a bit.

"Hello Bernard. Yes. Could you please call the Minister after I hang up. Thank you." he said into one part of the smaller piece. He then reunited the pieces and sat down.

"There you are Minister. I just spoke with Bernard back at the Civil Service." Appleby said. The phone made a shrill ringing sound, not unlike a summoning spell chord. "And now he will speak to you. Pick this part up, hold this bit to your ear and speak in this part."

"Hello Minister." said the voice of Bernard.

"Yes, hello Bernard." said Fudge.

"Well Minister, you seem to have the hang of things so I will let you get back to matters." said Bernard.

"Yes, thank you." said Fudge.

"No, thank you Minister." said Bernard. There was a click and then the device went quiet.

"And there you have it Minister. Safe, quick and convenient communication. Just what everyone needs. Now, if you will excuse me." said Appleby rising.

"Wait, I haven't said if we, The Ministry will use these devices." said Fudge.

Appleby smiled. "Minister. It has been decided, otherwise it would not already be done. Which it has been, therefore it was."

"But I am the Minister of Magic." said Fudge.

"Of course Minister. Every decision regarding the Ministry and the Magical affairs of Great Britain is your domain. That, however is a telephone, a mundane device and subject to the greater realm of Her Majesty's Government. Which are to have phones. It is through such cooperation that the Magical and Mundane thrive and prosper. Wouldn't you agree Minister?" said Appley.

"Uh, yes, certainly." agreed Fudge.

"Excellent Minister. Now, was there anything else. Always busy." said Appleby.

"No, thank you Humphrey." said Fudge.

"No, thank you Minister." said Appleby before leaving.

Fudge then got on with his day. He quickly put the odd device out of mind as he went about the task of running the Ministry. That is until the blasted thing rang, its shrill tone practically compelling him to use it.

"Minister." came Appleby's measured tones over the device. "A brief moment of your time if you will."


End file.
